the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
