C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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