Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
