Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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