Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
