Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
You took a bar mat shot.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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