Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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