I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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