Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
