Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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