Cold hands, warm shart.
You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
