i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Randomize
