if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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