Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
