Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
