I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
My penis needs a shock collar
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Randomize
