if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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