she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
