on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
