I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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