The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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