his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
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