I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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