I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
