I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
i've created a new STD.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
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