Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
