I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
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