My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
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