If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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