I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
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