yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
