I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
