Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Randomize
