I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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