In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
