I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
