no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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