He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Randomize
