Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
