The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Randomize
