she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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