Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
