nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Randomize