flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
