After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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