If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
