What a fucking waste of an outfit
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
