I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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