We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Randomize
