marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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