I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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