Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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