Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
