..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
