Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
