Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize