i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
