The maid of honor just puked.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Dicks are not precious.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
