That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
