hotel room ftw
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
