found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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