I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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