i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
