Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
