They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
