Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
