i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
