When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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