im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
