I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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