the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
