Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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