I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
you're hired as official boob wrangler
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
