I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
