Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
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