I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
