Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I don't deserve a penis
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
