she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
