the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
