Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
